A lovely sound heard from birth: Baby's crying language, which expresses their needs. It's their only means of expression before a certain age. When should you worry? Why are they crying?
Discover with us the causes of their cries and how to calm your little one based on advice from early childhood experts.
Why is my baby crying?
Your baby cries from time to time (or more): it's normal, even when unexplained crying occurs, it remains a normal stage of their development.
A baby cries to communicate their fundamental needs such as hunger, fatigue, discomfort (dirty diaper, temperature), the need for comfort and attention, or sometimes to release tensions.
Know that a newborn cries an average of 2 hours per day. This behavior is an integral part of baby's development, who gradually discovers ways to communicate and express their needs, even in excellent health. And it's the first 3 months of life when baby cries the most. Some babies are more sensitive than others and may cry longer, especially in the evening or during the night, when the day's emotions accumulate.
The main causes of crying
They're hungry / thirsty
Most obvious reason, baby is hungry or thirsty and is expressing it to you. Solution? We breastfeed or give the bottle!
You just did it and they continue to cry? Maybe they're still hungry :)
You're babywearing in a wrap / baby carrier? Discover how to breastfeed easily!
It's also a moment of strong bonding between mother and child.
They're tired
When baby is tired and sometimes faced with restless sleep, two situations arise:
- they fall asleep directly (the one we prefer)
- they cry (oh no..)
For them to fall asleep, babywearing in a wrap or baby carrier can be a great help! The rocking against you will soothe them for a peaceful sleep.
They hurt somewhere
Fever, teething (from 6 months), stomach aches... They express themselves through their cries. Don't hesitate to consult a healthcare professional (family doctor or pediatrician) if the pain seems intense or persistent.
They're hot / cold
Check their neck to know if they're too hot or too cold and dress them (or undress them) accordingly.
Discover:
They need to be changed
Not very pleasant to have a full diaper... Quick quick let's check and change that.
They're bored
A baby needs stimulation during their day, talk to them or play with them :). It's also through interacting that they learn to one day become like other children.
They want their pacifier
Sucking is a real need in infants, even a survival reflex. Simply give them their pacifier to meet this need.
Release cries
Screams and tears for baby to release fatigue and all the emotions of the day. Relax and reassure them by holding them close while cuddling them. The newborn's cries sometimes serve to release this tension.
They have digestion problems
After breastfeeding or bottle-feeding, baby may regurgitate their milk, be constipated, have diarrhea, GER... In short, many uncomfortable sensations that can make them cry.
Infant colic
Clenched fists, bent legs, uncontrollable crying... These signs often appear between the 3rd and 8th week of life, according to studies. We talk about colic when babies cry more than 3 hours a day, 3 days a week, for more than one week (Dr. Wessel's "rule of 3"). These abdominal pains can be relieved by gentle massages on the tummy but also through babywearing! Your warmth, your rocking, and massages (without even knowing it) will soothe and reassure them.
To learn more: THE TRIAL OF INFANT COLIC: OUR ADVICE
Let baby cry? No no no!
Your loved ones often tell you: "Let them cry, don't respond to their tantrums", "It won't kill them... let them calm down on their own!". In short, they advise you not to respond to all their cries immediately.
Yet their cries make you anxious and make you want to hold them close to reassure them. Do it, you know your baby!
Observing crying patterns: a key to better understanding
Observing crying patterns can also be a key to understanding baby's signals, whether they're related to colic or other discomforts, and thus better adapt your response.
The Dunstan method: decoding cries through sounds
You can learn to better interpret your baby's cries thanks to the Dunstan method, an approach that identifies 5 universal sounds that all newborns use to express their fundamental needs. For example:
- "Neh" = I'm hungry
- "Owh" = I'm tired
- "Heh" = I'm uncomfortable
- "Eh" = I need to burp
- "Eairh" = My tummy hurts
Observing these sounds can help you better understand what your child is feeling, strengthen your responsiveness, and sometimes avoid prolonged crying. This method, based on attentively listening to the first sounds, allows you to decode baby's early language, even before words.
A soothing environment to calm cries
Creating a soothing environment, with soft lighting and few stimuli, can greatly help calm crying and promote more peaceful falling asleep. It also happens that their cries reveal separation anxiety, a feeling that generally dissipates when they find the reassuring comfort of your arms.
No, your baby isn't throwing tantrums
A baby doesn't have the concept of time before 6-9 months. Five minutes represents much more to them: an eternity! They also don't have the cognitive abilities to throw tantrums before 18 months. So if your baby cries, it's simply because they need you.
By responding to baby's needs, you show them that you take their needs seriously and they feel safe. You won't create a spoiled child ;) From age 2, as they become more independent, baby may have tantrums and test you. It will be up to you to understand whether it's a whim or due to fatigue, a disruption of their routine, etc. It's up to you to set the limits!
How to calm their cries?
Many gestures exist and you've probably already tested hundreds (even the most unusual ones). Here are a few:
Check that they're not hungry / thirsty or need to be changed
Well, first fairly logical and easy reflex.
Reassure baby with your voice
Talk to them calmly, sing them a lullaby, or play music to relax them. Communication, even at that age, is important. Rhythmic sounds like heartbeats, white noise or the sound of waves can also soothe some babies.
Take them in your arms
Directly against you or in a baby wrap / baby carrier. Carrying your child will really reassure them and give them a feeling of security. The baby wrap or baby carrier is the solution to relieve your arms and back while keeping them close to you.
Go for a walk
Babies appreciate movement. Place them in the wrap or baby carrier and go for a walk. Your gait rocks them.
There are also alternative methods, like the car ride, well known to parents, which can help calm baby.
Caress baby
Gentle touches on the scalp, caresses on the temples, gentle massages, your touch can relax baby.
Distract their attention
Stuffed animal, rattle, reading... All means are good to distract baby's attention and make them forget their sorrow.
Lay baby on your forearm
Lying on their tummy on your forearm, head toward the elbow, bottom toward the hand, rock baby gently.
Practice skin-to-skin
If you're at home, you have the option to remove your clothes and baby's to place them against you, heart to heart. The exchange of warmth and your scent relax your little one.
Learn more about: Skin-to-skin
Many other gestures are possible, test what works!
Baby's cries: how to interpret them according to context?
Cries vary depending on the moment and context. Here's how to understand and respond to them:
- During feeding: They may no longer be hungry, need to burp or seek comfort. Take a break, change position or offer them a pacifier or toy to soothe them.
- In your arms: Even there, baby can cry if they're tired, hot, cold or bored. A cuddle, a gentle game or a massage may suffice.
- Alone in their crib: They may be going through a sleep cycle or need reassurance. Check their comfort and soothe them with a hand placed on them and a few gentle words.
- During diaper change: They may be cold, surprised or uncomfortable. Talk to them softly, warm your hands and act gently.
- On a walk: Too much noise, stimulation or an uncomfortable position can bother them. Check their setup and isolate them if needed.
- At bedtime: Falling asleep can be difficult. Establish a calm ritual with soft lighting, rocking or white noise to soothe them.
- Cries related to sleep regression: It happens that your baby goes through a sleep regression, a completely normal phenomenon linked to their development. These periods often occur around 4 months, 6 months, 8-10 months or 12 months, and can cause:
- more frequent night wakings
- difficulty falling asleep
- shorter naps
- increased irritability
- unusual crying, even when no obvious cause is identified
SOS, I can't take it anymore!
Fatigue, stress, baby's crying, I can't take it anymore! Don't blame yourself, don't feel guilty, it happens to absolutely EVERYONE. But what to do in this case?
- Take a breath and step away for a few minutes while securing baby in their crib for example (baby senses your anger and anxiety)
- Pass the baton to your partner or a close relative who will take care of them
- Wait until you're calm before taking baby against you again
Anger can lead to sudden and unwanted movements. By shaking baby too hard, you could cause permanent damage to their little brain. It's shaken baby syndrome. So breathe, do NOT SHAKE BABY, trust yourself and everything will be fine!
To avoid any risk, you can place them in the wrap or baby carrier and walk calmly. Baby is soothed without you needing to rock them. No unwanted movements possible!
And if you have doubts and it lasts for weeks, you can ask for help and consult an expert or doctor.
If you feel overwhelmed by your baby's crying, the book "Mon Bébé pleure beaucoup" offers concrete keys to understanding and soothing these sometimes trying moments. This guide helps you decipher your child's cries and respond with confidence and serenity.