A beautiful sound heard from birth: The language of baby's cries, expressing their needs. AND THAT'S NORMAL — DON'T PANIC! It's their only means of expression before a certain age. When should you be concerned? Why are they crying?
Discover with us the causes of their crying and how to soothe your little one based on the advice of early childhood experts.
Why is my baby crying?
Your baby cries from time to time (or more): this is normal, even when unexplained crying occurs, it remains a normal stage of their development.
A baby cries to communicate their fundamental needs such as hunger, tiredness, discomfort (dirty nappy, temperature), the need for comfort and attention, or sometimes to release tension.
Know that a newborn cries on average 2 hours a day. This behaviour is an integral part of baby's development, gradually discovering ways to communicate and express their needs, even in excellent health. And it is during the first 3 months of life that babies cry the most. Some babies are more sensitive than others and may cry for longer, particularly in the evening or during the night, when the emotions of the day accumulate.
The crying curve
Of course every baby is unique so this shouldn't be taken as gospel, buuut it would seem that a pattern emerges in baby's development during the first 3 months:
- 2-3 weeks: crying increases
- Around 6-8 weeks: the peak of crying — the time can seem looooong
- After 8 weeks, it gradually decreases until 3 months
What to do when they cry? Find the cause
They are hungry / thirsty
The most obvious reason: baby is hungry or thirsty and is letting you know. The solution? Breastfeed or give them a bottle!
You just did that and they're still crying? Maybe they're still hungry :)
Are you babywearing in a wrap / baby carrier? Discover how to breastfeed easily!
It is also a moment of strong bonding between the mother and her child.
They are tired
When baby is tired and sometimes experiencing restless sleep, two situations arise:
- they fall asleep straight away (the one we prefer)
- they cry (oh no..)
To help them fall asleep, babywearing in a wrap or baby carrier can be a great help! Being rocked against you will soothe them for a peaceful nap. Often, they need to feel contained and to sense your presence.
They are in pain somewhere
Fever, teething (from 6 months), stomach aches… They express themselves through their cries. Don't hesitate to consult a healthcare professional (family doctor or paediatrician) if the pain seems intense or persistent.
They are too hot / too cold
Check the back of their neck to find out if they are too hot or too cold and dress (or undress) them accordingly.
Discover:
They need a nappy change
Not very pleasant to have a full nappy… Let's quickly check and change that.
They're bored
A baby needs stimulation throughout their day — talk to them or play with them :). It is also through interaction that they learn to become, one day, like other children.
They want their pacifier
Sucking is a genuine need for a newborn, even a survival reflex. Simply give them their pacifier to meet this need.
Release crying
Cries and tears for baby to release the fatigue and all the emotions of the day. Relax and reassure them by holding them close while cuddling them. A newborn's cries sometimes serve to release this tension.
They have digestion problems
After a feed or a bottle, baby may spit up milk, be constipated, have diarrhoea, reflux (GER)… In short, all sorts of uncomfortable sensations that can make them cry.
Infant colic
Clenched fists, curled legs, uncontrollable crying… These signs often appear between the 3rd and 8th week of life, according to studies. We speak of colic when babies cry for more than 3 hours a day, 3 days a week, for more than one week (Dr Wessel's "rule of 3"). These abdominal pains can be relieved by gentle tummy massages but also through babywearing! Your warmth, your rocking, and your massages (without even realising it) will comfort and reassure them.
To find out more: THE ORDEAL OF INFANT COLIC: OUR ADVICE
Let baby cry? No no no!
Those around you often say: "Let them cry, don't give in to their tantrums", "It won't kill them… let them calm down on their own!". In short, they advise you not to respond to every cry immediately.
Yet their crying worries you and makes you want to hold them close to reassure them. Do it — you know your baby!
Observing crying patterns: a key to better understanding
Observing crying patterns can also be a key to understanding your baby's signals, whether related to colic or other discomforts, and thus better adapt your response.
The Dunstan method: decoding cries through sounds
You can learn to better interpret your baby's cries thanks to the Dunstan method, an approach that identifies 5 universal sounds that all newborns use to express their fundamental needs. For example:
- "Neh" = I'm hungry
- "Owh" = I am tired
- "Heh" = I am uncomfortable
- "Eh" = I need to burp
- "Eairh" = I have a stomach ache
Observing these sounds can help you better understand what your child is feeling, strengthen your responsiveness, and sometimes prevent prolonged crying. This method, based on attentive listening to early sounds, allows you to decode your baby's early language, even before words.
A soothing environment to calm crying
Creating a soothing environment, with soft lighting and few stimuli, can greatly help calm crying and encourage a more peaceful sleep. It also happens that their crying reveals separation anxiety, a feeling that generally fades when they find the reassuring comfort of your arms again.
No, your baby is not being difficult
A baby has no concept of time before the age of 6-9 months. Five minutes represent much more for them: an eternity! They also don't have the cognitive capacity to be deliberately difficult before the age of 18 months. So if your baby is crying, it simply means they need you.
By responding to your baby's needs, you let them know that you take their needs seriously and they feel secure. You won't turn them into a fussy child ;) From the age of 2, more independent, your baby may have tantrums and test you. It will be up to you to understand whether it's a whim or whether it's due to tiredness, an upheaval in their routine, etc. It's up to you to set the limits!
How to soothe their crying?
There are plenty of gestures and you have probably already tried hundreds of them (even the most unusual ones). Here are a few:
Check that they are not hungry / thirsty or in need of a nappy change
Well, a fairly logical and easy first reflex.
Reassure your baby with your voice
Speak to them calmly, sing them a lullaby, or play them music to help them relax. Communication, even at this age, is important. Rhythmic sounds such as heartbeats, white noise or the sound of waves can also soothe some babies.
Take them in your arms
Directly against you or in a baby wrap / baby carrier. Carrying your child will truly reassure them and give them a sense of security. The baby wrap or baby carrier is the solution to relieve your arms and your back while keeping them close to you.
Head out for a walk
Movement is appreciated by babies. Place them in the wrap or baby carrier and head out for a walk. Your stride rocks them.
There are also alternative methods, such as a car ride, well known to parents, which can help calm baby.
Stroke your baby
Gentle strokes on the head, caresses on the temples, soft massages — your touch can relax your baby.
Distract their attention
Soft toy, rattle, reading… All means are good for distracting baby's attention and making them forget their distress.
Lay baby on your forearm
Flat on their tummy on your forearm, head towards the elbow, bottom towards the hand, gently rock your baby.
Practise skin-to-skin contact
If you are at home, you have the option of removing your clothes and your baby's to place them against you, heart to heart. The exchange of warmth and your scent relax your little one.
Find out more about: Skin-to-skin contact
Many other gestures are possible — try what works!
Baby's crying: how to interpret it depending on the context?
Crying varies depending on the moment and the context. Here is how to understand and respond to it:
- During a feed: They may no longer be hungry, need to burp or be seeking comfort. Take a pause, change position or offer them a pacifier or a toy to soothe them.
- In your arms: Even there, baby can cry if they are tired, too hot, too cold or bored. A cuddle, a gentle game or a massage can be enough.
- Alone in their cot: They may be going through a sleep cycle or need reassurance. Check their comfort and soothe them with a hand placed on them and a few gentle words.
- During a nappy change: They may be cold, startled or uncomfortable. Speak to them softly, warm your hands and act with care.
- On a walk: Too much noise, stimulation or an uncomfortable position can disturb them. Check their positioning and shield them if needed.
- At bedtime: Falling asleep can be difficult. Establish a calm routine with soft lighting, rocking or white noise to soothe them.
- Crying related to a sleep regression: It can happen that your baby goes through a sleep regression, a perfectly normal phenomenon linked to their development. These periods often occur around 4 months, 6 months, 8-10 months or 12 months, and can cause:
- more frequent night wakings
- difficulty falling asleep
- shorter naps
- increased irritability
- unusual crying, even when no obvious cause is identified
SOS, I can't take it anymore!
Tiredness, stress, your baby's crying — I can't take it anymore! Don't be too hard on yourself, don't feel guilty, it happens to absolutely EVERYONE. But what to do in that case?
- Take a breath and step away for a few minutes while making sure baby is safe in their cot, for example (baby senses your anger and anxiety)
- We hand over to our partner or a close family member who will take care of things
- We wait until we are calm before picking baby back up
Anger can cause sudden and unwanted movements. By shaking baby too hard, you could cause permanent damage to their little brain. This is shaken baby syndrome. So take a breath, do NOT SHAKE YOUR BABY, trust yourself and everything will be fine!
To avoid any risk, you can place them in the baby carrier or wrap and walk calmly. Baby is soothed without you needing to rock them. No unwanted movement possible!
And if we have a doubt and it goes on for weeks, we can ask for help and consult an expert or a doctor.
If you feel overwhelmed by your baby's crying, the book "My Baby Cries a Lot" offers concrete keys to understanding and soothing these sometimes trying moments. This guide helps you decode your child's cries and respond to them with confidence and serenity.