If you're in a hurry…
Baby loves you, no doubt about that. There may be phases where you don't have his full attention or good mood because of:
- of an extended absence of one parent
- of an educational role VS a recreational role
- of natural affinities
It's only temporary!
Baby doesn't smile at you, pushes you away, seems to prefer his other parent… Does he actually love you? It's a natural question to ask. First of all, rest assured — he loves you! Stay with us to discover the reasons behind his behaviour.
The preference for one parent or another person
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Do these situations sound familiar?
It seems like baby cries with mum but not with dad! But is it really a preference?
Rest assured, it is normal for your baby to have phases where they "prefer" other people to you. It's a common phenomenon. We know this makes you sad, but no room for ego!
It's only temporary. The duration varies depending on your child's personality or daily routine.
What's more, your baby has HIS attachment figure, which he needs from birth. And that is generally his mum, the person who spends the most time with him! It is therefore with you that the bond is strongest and with whom he feels safe. Know that babywearing in a sling or baby carrier fosters the creation of this wonderful attachment bond —unbreakable despite appearances—.
Learn more about: Attachment theory
Why is my baby different with me?
You spend the whole day with baby and yet it's the nanny he smiles at? And you get the honour of his tantrums and tears?
Unfair! But precisely, he feels reassured by your side and still considers you a part of himself. Don't doubt yourself as a parent — soon he won't be able to let go of you.
Several reasons can however explain this "preference":
- extended absence
- one parent being "stricter" than the other: dad is there for play and mum for setting the rules, or the other way around (we tend to gravitate more easily towards what's pleasant and easy, don't we?)
- natural affinities
There are no real rules — every child is different and the family environment inevitably impacts your relationships.
If you practise babywearing, your baby is close to you and you respond to his needs perfectly and quickly. He trusts you and doesn't need to seek your attention. That's already something beautiful, isn't it?
I discover: the benefits of babywearing
So what should you do?
No room for jealousy (yes, yes, we're trying!). Instead, let's try:
Taking a step back
Letting yourself slip into complaints, sadness or jealousy is natural. Yet taking a step back from the situation and questioning yourself remains the best thing to do.
Out with the negative feelings and energies that will certainly not make this phase pass any faster.
Don't encourage the preference
If you're the lucky favourite, don't consciously or unconsciously encourage the situation: "So we prefer daddy/mummy, do we?". And the same goes the other way, if you're the unlucky one in the story.
Give each parent their place
Even if baby wants to spend all his time with just one person, let the other parent take their place.
One day it's dad who gives the bath, the next it's mum. A walk in the baby carrier with one, then the other another day to unwind.
Share both the pleasant and unpleasant moments, don't take on just one role per parental figure :)
Having confidence in yourself and in him
We don't give up, we trust ourselves and keep taking care of him while adding light moments of play and laughter.
Above all, don't be ashamed and don't judge yourself too harshly. We all go through these kinds of moments filled with doubt and self-questioning. We're not perfect, but as long as we give our unconditional love and take care of them, everything will be fine!
If the situation seems to be truly lasting, don't hesitate to seek advice from a psychologist or child psychiatrist who will identify underlying reasons and find appropriate solutions to help you.