While we now talk a lot about professional burnout without much taboo, parental burnout is not as normalized. Yet, according to a study by two Belgian psychologists, 5% of parents would suffer from this burnout and 8% of parents are at high risk. We know it's difficult to talk about, the fear of being judged is great so we don't dare. However, you are not alone!
What is Parental Burnout?
The truth is that there is no "exact" definition of parental burnout. However, we can define it as long-term parental stress with physical and mental exhaustion in the family sphere.
Of course, ALL PARENTS experience a moment of fatigue from all the responsibilities and tasks that parenting entails. But if a period of rest doesn't change anything and we feel like we're operating on autopilot with a decrease in our engagement as a parent... It's likely to be burnout.
Parental burnout: symptoms
Fatigue is therefore part of the characteristics of parental burnout but is not the only one!
The role of parent is exhausting
This is the characteristic that comes up most often. Feeling at the end of your rope, unable to cope anymore. It can manifest as an inability or difficulties in thinking properly and intense fatigue.
It's a bit like survival mode, every request requires energy that we don't have... or at least not anymore. Every task to organize seems insurmountable, even thinking about dinner, how to dress your child... We have the feeling of being E-M-P-T-Y.
Being a parent no longer brings us joy
It's a bit like seeing parenthood as a burden and only seeing the negative aspects, it's an "overflow" that prevents us from being satisfied with this magnificent role.
For example, before, we loved playing with our child, now we do it because we "have to" but take no pleasure in it.
Which probably leads to...
An emotional distance is created with our child
Before, we could listen to our child for hours, reacting excessively to their stories (which have neither head nor tail), now the listening is passive, with one ear, we pay less attention because we no longer have the energy in fact. Even affectionate demonstrations like kisses or hugs are no longer as frequent.
Of course, we still do everything necessary, feeding, preparing things, brushing teeth, taking them to school/daycare, but we can no longer invest as much as before in this parent-child bond.
Guilt and feelings of failure as a parent
With the previous symptoms, we feel guilty. We feel unworthy of being parents, insensitive, and ashamed of being the way we are. We had an image of ourselves as parents and have been different in the past with our child, and it's hard to accept.
However, there's no need to be ashamed. It happens to many parents and remains "situational", it's an overflow and does not reflect your true identity and your role as a parent in any way.
Parental burnout VS depression, baby blues and postpartum depression
Depression is not contextualized, it's a general state. Burnout only affects the family, while depression affects all aspects (professional, family, relational...).
However, burnout can, in the long run, lead to depression.
Baby Blues only lasts a few days and occurs at the birth of the child.
Postpartum depression: we tell you everything
How to overcome parental burnout?
For professional burnout, it's possible to distance oneself from the source of the problem: work. A sick leave can therefore be prescribed.
For parental burnout, it proves more difficult. There is no prescription for a parent leave......
Talking to your partner
It's very important to involve the partner when we become aware of burnout. Firstly, to be heard, but also to possibly obtain support and have time for oneself. The goal is not to offload EVERYTHING onto the other person, but if the partner has the energy for it, delegating certain tasks to take a breather and simply take care of oneself.
Consult a doctor / psychologist
First, being aware of the problem is a first step to getting out of it. But having external support is even better. A psychologist can really decipher the emotions felt, let go of certain guilty thoughts, and help adopt new behaviors.
Accepting that you can't always be perfect
Wanting your children to eat only homemade meals is really good, but it's a heavy mental load and it takes time. Allowing yourself to resort to "prepared" dishes doesn't make you the worst parent in the world! The same goes for having your child's hair perfectly styled, one day you don't have time? No big deal!
The psychologist can really help to accept this too :)
Talk, talk, talk...
Talking is relieving a burden. There are parenting support associations that can help during support groups, for example. By listening to testimonies from other parents, it's easier to accept one's situation and it can help.
How to avoid parental burnout ultimately?
By accepting that you're not perfect and giving yourself the right to make mistakes. Nobody's perfect, doing your best is already very good.
Delegating certain tasks when we feel emotional and physical fatigue to take time for ourselves is also important.
There are online tests to find out if you're experiencing parental burnout, but if in doubt, it's always better to prevent it by consulting your doctor :)